


Tearing Walls Down

by Kamitteru



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Killing Game (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, I'm Bad At Summaries, M/M, No Spoilers, Oma Kokichi Being Oma Kokichi, POV Alternating, Swearing, Texting, Trust Issues, lots of it yikes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-01 14:49:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14522994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamitteru/pseuds/Kamitteru
Summary: Ouma Kokichi hates his trust issues, he really does. But he sees no choice but to keep raising the walls he has put up. So that's what he's deciding on now too. To keep shutting everyone out. Including Shuichi Saihara.Meanwhile, that same Shuichi Saihara has decided to get closer to and unravel the mystery of Ouma, despite the disapproval of his friends.The consequences are something even the Ultimate Detective didnt expect.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo… This is my first fic on this account and the first time I'm writing V3 characters, so I hope I'm not doing too bad of a job. Thanks to anyone who's taking time to read this, if you have any thoughts on it let me know!

Ouma Kokichi hated his trust issues. Hated them, from the bottom of his heart. He despised how he _had_ to tell lies to distance himself from being hurt by the lies of others. Admittedly, a long time ago, when he was not yet that well-versed in the art of lying, he'd honestly enjoyed every lie he told. There was something exhilarating about lying, something marvelous about the vastness of lies, the possibilities to spin an entire universe of your own just to cover up that boring and way too forward truth. Not to mention the thrill of wondering if the other person had caught on already. So yeah, it wasn't like Ouma had taken on lying against his will. But after years of putting up walls, strengthening his defenses, pointing people to the door, getting people to dislike him on purpose and repeating that process every time he'd meet someone new, the thrill had gone. There was nothing exciting about lying about every little detail and never answering directly, just like you couldn't play the same prank over and over. Yes, even lying had now become kind of… boring. The frustrating thing was that Ouma needed to lie. He couldn't let people come close. People lied to protect, and he wasn't any different from that. So that's why. Ouma chose to spent his time alone.

Unfortunately, some of his classmates had other plans. It wasn't like Ouma was openly hated in the class, or like he didn't speak to anyone at all, but whenever there was an opportunity to chatter, it was a given that Ouma didn't end up in one of the small groups, happily blabbering away with friends. However, there were two people who came to check in on him every now and then, frequently enough to be notable. And well, Kaede tended to worriedly glance at him too, but that didn't really count. Anyhow, the two classmates; Gonta Gokuhara and Saihara Shuichi. Gonta was nice company and it wasn't like Ouma disliked having him around, but having Gonta as a companion wasn't really… special. Ouma knew he wasn't exactly in the position to be picky, and that it was already a miracle that people still tried talking to him, but it was a fact that Gonta would just about talk to anyone. So while Gonta was okay to spend time with, he was also undoubtedly lacking something. Shuichi, however… Ouma was kind of shocked the detective still cared about him. Sure, he was kind, but he wasn't like Gonta. Saihara actually had the brain cells to realize he could be way better off instead of talking to Ouma. So why Shuichi kept returning anyway… It was a mystery to Ouma. A very dangerous mystery, nonetheless. Shuichi seemed to awaken something in Ouma that he'd rather not have awakened. Something about the way that a small, without a doubt backstabbing and naive part of him said that Shuichi could be trusted. That it was worth it to lower his walls just a little. It frightened Ouma. Scared the shit out of him, actually. He didn't like feeling his control slip, didn't like the untrustworthy and hopeful part of act up, spouting nonsense about how he was overreacting and how he should just try to let people in. Walls weren't meant to be broken. That was what Ouma lived by. Hated trust issues or not, Ouma would despise it even more if he'd have to bear the brunt of his own stupidity. So that's why he promised himself to mentally distance himself even more. No getting attached to people he could lose. No secretly deeming people trustworthy. No staring at all that happy and carefree socializing. Ouma was going to lay down another layer of bricks upon his walls and that'd be the end of it. With a sigh, Ouma decided to try and distance himself even more from the boy he found himself thinking about the most. 

 

"What's the matter, Saihara-kun?" A gentle voice disrupted Shuichi's thoughts. He had been staring at the only empty seat in the classroom. Ouma's seat. The purple-haired boy hadn't attended any classes that day. Their homeroom teacher had simply brushed it off by explaining that Ouma was down with a cold. The class had moved on as usual. Shuichi couldn't help but think about how it was a bit sad that there would be a small but obvious shift in the groups in their class if anyone else had been absent, but Ouma's absence had everyone carrying on. It wasn't unexpected, since Ouma didn't exactly do his best to include himself, but it was a tad bitter nonetheless. So that's how Shuichi started pondering a little about that mysterious evil leader, glancing at his empty seat. Until now. His friend Kaede looked at him, a worried glint in her eyes. "N-nothing," Shuichi stuttered, a bit shaken by the sudden interruption. "I was just thinking about how Ouma isn't here. I wonder what he's up to." He tried his best to sound casual about the matter. Ouma Kokichi was a bit of a difficult subject to talk about. Shuichi didn't know why, but his gut told him not to confide others in too much about his theories and thoughts about Ouma. "Are you perhaps worried? I'm sure there's no need for that. Ouma-kun seems like the kind of person who can take care of himself," Kaede advised. "You better fucking not worry", Kaito yelled from behind Shuichi. Another one of Shuichi's closest friends, and one that was even more unapproachable to talk about Ouma. Ever since their class had started school, Ouma and Kaito's clashing personalities had placed the two directly against each other. "I'm sure he's not even really sick anyway," Kaito complained. "He's probably just waiting for one of us to check in on him so he can go and tell us how it was just a prank and how stupid we are for believing him." There was no way that Shuichi could explain his predicament. He hadn't been worried, he had actually kind of _missed_ Ouma. Sure, he was the biggest pain ever, but it didn't feel right either to be stuck staring at that empty seat. "You're probably right", Shuichi replied instead. "I was just thinking, that's all." Kaede flashed a sweet smile at him. "Nothing wrong with that, Saihara-kun. It's a nice thing to care about your classmates." At that point, their teacher asked for silence again and both Kaede en Kaito returned to their own work again. 

At the end of the day, Shuichi still hadn't stopped pondering. As a detective, he'd solved many mysteries and at first unexplainable events, but Ouma was the biggest enigma he had encountered so far. What was the boy hiding? Was he even hiding something or was he just really lying and insulting for his own fun? What parts about him were real and what was fake? And most of all, why did Shuichi find himself so intrigued by Ouma? He knew from the start someone bearing the title of Ultimate Supreme Leader was trouble, and Ouma had exceeded all his expectations at that. So what about him was it that kept on luring Shuichi back? At that moment, he decided something. With a spark of steadfastness, Shuichi decided to definitely get closer to and unravel the mystery of Ouma Kokichi, the boy he found himself thinking about most of all.


	2. Rough Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuichi sees his opportunity to get closer to Ouma. Ouma, on the other hand, isn't ready to let go of what he promised himself he'd do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I don't know how to write angst I better keep this fic a little light  
> Also me: Lol have some more angst and heartbreak in this bitch
> 
> To the people who left kudos and to those who commented; I fucking love you all so here's a quick update I hope I don't let y'all down on this one.

It hadn't been Ouma's day. It hadn't been his week, month or year, actually, but this took the cake. Just as he convinced himself to distance himself from Shuichi, the universe decided to throw a big fuck-you in his face and pair up Shuichi and him for cleaning duty. It just wasn't fair. It didn't help that Shuichi had flashed a downright _blinding_ smile at him once their homeroom teacher was done announcing the news. It made Ouma feel guilty about what he had decided on, it even almost made him falter, but now that he had set a goal in mind, he couldn't abandon it. Especially not after less than a day. So yeah. Ouma definitely wasn't looking forward to cleaning duty to say the least. (He kind of was. That was the real problem here.)

 

Ouma wasn't acting normal, and it kinda ticked Shuichi off. He'd been glad to hear that the universe had worked in his favor by pairing him up with Ouma for cleaning duty. He'd even got so caught up in that sudden bliss that he had flashed the boy a bit of an awkward smile. Shuichi had looked forward to spending time alone with the very person he wanted to get to know better. Not to mention that this was mandatory, so he wouldn't have to deal with the disapproving comments of Kaito or Maki. He valued his friends a lot, really, and he couldn't blame them for disliking Ouma, but that didn't change the fact that it felt awkward talking to someone while feeling your friends' eyes burn on your back. However, now that class had actually ended, it didn't go how Shuichi had planned at all. 

Ouma was just sitting in front of his desk, head rested on the table.   
The only things he had said since Shuichi had started his cleaning were "I don't wanna do this" and "Can't you just do it alone?". Every now and then a groan would escape from him too. Other than that, complete silence. Now, Shuichi didn't really take him for a cleaning person anyway, but this wasn't just unwillingness, Ouma seemed straight-up apathetic. It didn't fit him. Whatsoever. "Hey," Shuichi softly inquired, "are you okay? Are you sure you're not still sick from yesterday? If you're not feeling well, you should've left class and rested a little bit more." Ouma lifted his head off the table. Shuichi couldn't read his expression. It surprised him. Ouma usually made a big effort of going all overboard with his facial expressions, even though they were just as fake as his lies. A blank face though… It only added upon Shuichi's worries. "Jeez. I wasn't sick at all. I'm really disappointed that you believed such an obvious lie. That's so boring, Shuichi-san." A regular answer. Almost. But there was something way off there. Ouma didn't use his usual childish "chan" honorific. Shuichi knew for sure now that something was up. He also started to doubt it was something physical, since it affected Ouma's manners of speech too.Shuichi decided to press the issue a little.

"U-Um, I know we don't hang out that much but you can always talk to me if something's wrong, okay?" That ought to do something, right? He could almost imagine the "so Shuichi-chan cares about me after all!" shattering his eardrums. 

Ouma's face didn't soften though. His eyes narrowed into a glare, and his answer was more of a growl than anything else. "Supreme leaders don't need anyone's help. And there's nothing wrong with me. I just hate being stuck here with _you_. And that's not a lie. I don't even feel like lying anymore now. I'm leaving." Before Shuichi could halt Ouma, the boy stood up and left the room without saying another word, leaving Shuichi alone with racing thoughts and a pounding heartbeat. 

 

Ouma was sure of it. He was a monster. An actual fucking monster. Shuichi was the only person in his class who cared about him, who flashed him smiles and asked him about his health, and now he had hurt him. Maybe it was better that he had. He didn't deserve such a nice person around him anyway. Still, he had gone way overboard. Guilt and pain tore at his gut as he remembered the look on Shuichi's face after he snapped at him. God, Ouma hated himself. He always ruined the good things. Shuichi didn't deserve this at all. After all that he'd done for him, Ouma loathed that this is how he payed Shuichi back. Ouma couldn't even stand the thought of having to do it again. Not that it was necessary anymore.

 _I scared Shuichi away for good now. He definitely realized how much of a rude freak I am. He has way better people to hang out with anyway. Real friends, who don't hurt him because of their own stupid problems_.

Ouma couldn't sleep that night.


	3. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouma messes up even more than before. The consequences are disastrous for him, but Shuichi still isn't giving him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to write this fic: A Helpful Guide by Me
> 
> •angst  
> •what in mischaracterization  
> •keep switching up first and last names  
> •who knows what honorifics the characters use it's not like I played the game myself  
> •improvise shit
> 
> No but seriously. Thank y'all who are supporting me already. Everyone who left a comment or kudo or bookmark; y'all are the best. This quick upload is for you.

Ouma got out of his bed with a head full of clouds. Dark clouds. No silver lining in sight. He couldn't sleep last night. Maybe he'd dozed off for two hours or so, but it couldn't have been more sleep than that. His body felt heavy and his eyes fell shut on their own account every now and then. He was in an even worse state mentally, though. He couldn't stop thinking about Shuichi. About that blinding, trusting smile. The very same smile Ouma had crushed not long after. And now he had to face him. Shuichi would probably just ignore him starting that morning. Ouma knew he deserved it, but it still hurt. With dragging feet and a heavy heart, he forced himself to go to class. He pushed himself to not look at Shuichi as he sat down. He was a coward, running away from the consequences of his own decisions, but he didn't want to see Shuichi right now. Shuichi didn't want to see him either anyway, so he was just doing the both of them a favor. 

 

Ouma was ignoring him completely. After the disastrous cleaning duty yesterday, Shuichi didn't know what he could expect next. Still, for Ouma to give him the cold shoulder… He didn't like it. This was a totally new Ouma to him, and he had no idea how to handle him. Why couldn't he be more like Kaede, who possessed the blessing of being socially adept and who always knew exactly what to say? Meanwhile, Shuichi couldn't do anything aside from mapping out options and the possible outcomes. He could approach Ouma himself, but maybe that would only tick him off and worsen the ordeal. Or perhaps Ouma just wanted some space, and everything would be alright in a few days again? However, maybe Ouma had no intention of making it up, and if that was the case, letting days pass would only turn this whole affair into something even more awkward. 

Maybe he should ask Kaede what to do. Kaede always made him feel at ease, and even though he still didn't feel totally comfortable with the whole idea of talking about Ouma to others, it probably was for the best considering the mess right now. Shuichi tended to get caught up in his own head sometimes, and the perspective of an outsider would definitely help.  
Just as he was about to turn to Kaede to explain his predicament, the homeroom teacher started talking about a new assignment they were supposed to do in pairs. The students weren't allowed to pair up themselves. Something in Shuichi's stomach soared. He wasn't going to be paired up with Ouma again. He knew that for sure. But still, that stupid hopeful spark inside him that begged to differ… "Saihara-san and Yonaga-san." Well. Okay then. Shuichi turned to Angie and smiled at her to let her know he was on board with it, then turned away again. He couldn't help but feel disappointed, even though he knew that didn't make sense at all. He'd have to look into those emotions later. Now he had more important things to solve. 

 

Ouma had told himself not to look to Shuichi. Of course, he was an idiot and had gone and done it anyway. Just to discover that Shuichi also gave blinding smiles to Angie after being paired up with her. It wasn't like Ouma was jealous. Of course he wasn't. Shuichi was allowed to smile at whoever he wanted. Ouma had always known Shuichi was a decent and kind person to everyone, so it wasn't at all surprising that he didn't reserve his smiles just for him. Yeah. Whatever. 

At that moment, the homeroom teacher announced his very own assignment partner. "Ouma-san and Iruma-san." Immediately, a groan ripped through the class, followed by a "Fuck, really? I don't fuckin' wanna do anything with that stupid gremlin." Iruma had whispered it, but it was still loud enough that Ouma could hear it. The entire class could, probably. Great. He'd just been publicly humiliated. Normally he'd snap right back at her, or maybe choose the sadistic route instead and pretend to enjoy her complaints, but he wasn't in the mood right now. Really, he wasn't. 

"Fuck off, slut. Like I want to work together with an useless and good-for-nothing inventor." It was out before he knew it. Don't look at how Shuichi is reacting, don't look. Ouma focused on Iruma's face instead, contorted in disapproval and disbelieve.  
"What the hell? I'm a fuckin' genius! What the fuck are ya playin' at with that lie of yours, pig?" Ouma knew he shouldn't do this. This was different from the acts he always put on, this was real rage. He should lay off right now, but- "Your inventions? They suck. And we all know it. I wonder what idiot even let you in. Maybe you scammed your way in?" Why couldn't he stop? Why was he destroying even more? What was that side of him that demanded to break, to destroy, to tear everyone up until there was nothing left, nothing to hurt him anymore and nothing that he could hurt, until he wouldn't have to worry about them, until he didn't have to worry about Shuichi. "That's not true," Iruma shouted back, visibly affected. "My inventions are the fuckin' best! I got here cuz' I'm just that goddamn talented! Shut your filthy virgin mouth, you lying little abortion!" Her face had started to turn a bit blotchy and her eyes glinted with emotion. Ouma couldn't tell what emotion, hurt or anger or just plain defensiveness, but he didn't care about it right now either. No one said a thing, no one broke them apart. Why didn't they?

"They're shit", Ouma continued, "just admit it. You know why contacts sell way better than your weird sleep machines? Because people don't want them. Your ideas are trash. Realize that people don't want your freaky shit already!" He just kept going, didn't he? What would stop it, he wondered. Who would step in and end it, even though it was already too late, even though he'd already thrown himself off the deep end. Who would stop it?

It was Iruma Miu herself. Tears welled up in her blue eyes. She didn't say anything. The tears started flowing now, and her eyes widened as she took in the shock of suddenly starting to cry in the middle of class, of suddenly getting hit with feelings after a moment of numbness. The second that the first teardrops hit the ground, the class defrosted. People rushed over to Iruma, girls pulled her in for a warm and welcoming embrace, guys asked her if she was doing okay. No one even looked at Ouma. He took that as his cue to flee. Away from the class and the people that never wanted to see him again now. And to a place where he could let his very own tears flow.

Ouma didn't really remember how he ended up on the closed toilet seat in a locked stall of the boys' toilets, but he couldn't get himself to care. He did it. At last, he distanced himself from everyone, the entire class, even the homeroom teacher must hate him after what he had said. He'd truly gone above and beyond, and as a result he had pulled off his plan. No one would ever even want to get close to him. He. Did. It.   
_So why wasn't he happy about it?_

This is what he wanted, right? This was the very thing he had decided on himself. To hurt others. So others wouldn't hurt him. It wasn't a perfect plan, of course, but in his mind it had sufficed. So why didn't it now? Why did he feel so empty? It wasn't right. Ouma always got what he wanted. He always made plans that were as close to flawless as could be, and they always succeeded. He always felt happy about their success too. What was different now? Why couldn't shit be uncomplicated just this once? 

The feelings he hurt. He thought about them. The hatred stirring inside his classmates' stomachs. Iruma hated him now, for sure. So did Himiko. Tenko. Kaito. Maki. Hoshi. Kiibo. Kaede. Rantarou. Kiyo. Angie. Tsumugi. Tojo. Gonta probably couldn't ever hate someone but whatever came closest to it. And. Shuichi. Somehow, the thought of Shuichi was the very trigger to Ouma's tears. He collapsed right there on the toilet seat, shivering and begging for life to have some mercy on him at last.

 

Shuichi didn't know what kind of person it made him that he cared about Ouma right now. Judging by the scalding remarks of his classmates regarding Ouma's outburst earlier, not a very good one. Iruma had stopped crying a while ago, and even though she appeared to be fine and even joked around about how her masochistic side totally should dig those remarks and how it was just her luck that instead of getting turned on this happened, the class still flocked around her. "Truly words from a degenerate male," Tenko said, her voice brimming with hate. Others joined in, telling Iruma how they were on her side and how much they loved her inventions. Shuichi agreed with them, of course. He felt a bit sorry for Iruma just like everyone else, but he couldn't help worrying about where Ouma was right now and if he was alright. Shuichi looked around the classroom. Their classmates and the homeroom teacher were busy with Iruma. He was sure his absence wouldn't be noticed until he was already gone.

Either Ouma wasn't in his room or he was just ignoring the knocks, Shuichi couldn't tell. It frustrated him to be left helpless right now. It wasn't like he could just pick the lock and burst in regardless. Annoyed, Shuichi left the dorm areas. Before continuing his search, he needed to go to the bathroom. He went into the nearest one. The very first stall was occupied. By someone who was sobbing loudly. Looks like Shuichi found him after all. "Ouma-san?". The crying immediately stopped, but there was no response. Shuichi decided to press further. "I know you're in there. It's okay, Ouma. I didn't come here to lecture you." It stayed quiet for a while, but then…

"So Shuichi-chan still cares about me! Looks like I really stole your heart then, huh, Shuichi-chan? You must be tooootally in love with me if you come chasing after me like this~". Shuichi was dumbfounded. All of the sudden, Ouma was acting his old self again? And he was supposed to buy that? Why couldn't the purple-haired boy show his true self just once? "Ouma. I know you're hurt. I heard you cry. Putting on a show for me isn't going to let me forget that. Open the door, please." 

 

Ouma's voice turned a bit desperate as he replied. "You want the truth? Well, I don't want to speak to you or see you ever again! Didn't I make that clear yesterday? Get lost already! There's enough people in the class to talk with! I'm sure they would all be happy to be your friend, and they would never lie or hurt people or be fake like me anyhow! So go!"

Ouma was getting panicked. Why wasn't Shuichi leaving? What was wrong with him to come chasing after him, to try and comfort him after what he did yesterday and his outburst just now? Why did he still care? Ouma was a monster who hurt people out of insecurity, a spoilt little brat who was just as real as a plastic. So why? Why was Shuichi not done with him yet? 

 

"I'm not leaving, Ouma. And I'm not going to talk to any of my classmates instead. Because they're not you. And you might be a handful, you might lie and you might hurt people sometimes, but I want to talk to _you_ right now." Shuichi didn't know where he got the words from. No, that wasn't right. He knew exactly. They came straight from his heart. Shuichi liked the other people in his class a lot. Kaede made him feel respected and comfortable. Kaito treated him like almost like his brother, even after just a month. He could always count on Maki too, even though she seemed cold sometimes. But no one was like Ouma. No one could take his place. And right when Shuichi was thinking that, the lock turned with a soft squeak.

 

Ouma was still doubting it, but he unlocked the door and opened it. The first thing he felt was a warm hug. It felt. Perfect. It felt like the safe haven he had never had outside of DICE. Before he knew it, he was crying again. "S-Shuichi-chan… I'm, I'm so sorryyyy. I didn't want to hurt you, and I didn't want to hurt Iruma-chan either but I just felt so totally awful and then she said that and…and… and I'm awful why are you still not giving up on me, Shuichi-chaaaan." Shuichi embraced Ouma a bit tighter. "I know", he said softly. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone. It's okay. Let's get you to your dorm. You should sleep a little. I'll tell the homeroom teacher about it." Ouma didn't resist. He let Shuichi walk him to his room. When they got there, he couldn't help but flash a smile at Shuichi. "Thank you, Shuichi-chan." He smiled right back. It was his blinding smile again. Ouma started to think all the smiles Shuichi had were blinding. "It's alright, Ouma. Sleep well, okay? Everything will be fine in the end." "Do you promise that?" Ouma couldn't help but asking. "I promise," was the unwavering answer.

Ouma was still smiling as he closed the door, with pure light inside his veins instead of blood. It would be fine. It's a promise, after all.


	4. Getting Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ouma has to face some emotions he didn't ever expect to face. The self-dubbed "date" that follows doesn't make it very better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck it's been ages since I've updated I'm so sorry, lack of inspiration/a school trip/some private stuff really delayed this longer than I planned. 
> 
> Anyhow, I'm back with a slightly longer chapter to make up for it so here y'all go. As always, thanks for reading, this fic has gotten a better reception than expected! 
> 
> Lastly, I've never really dated anyone and I never talk to my crushes either so all of the emotion and getting along shit is just,,, guessing at this point lol. I sure as fuck don't get any action but at least my boi Ouma can.
> 
> Also, I've made this entire chapter Ouma-centric, so that's. just a heads-up idk

Ouma had never known romantic love. He guessed that what he felt for the members of DICE was the closest to love he ever felt, but that was platonic love, not the powerhouse of emotion that all the books and movies spoke of. Honestly, Ouma had never really cared about it. Loving someone seemed like a bother, and he didn't get exactly how it worked anyway. After all, he was a very analytical person, someone who tended to think instead of feel, and something as illogical and all-consuming as love simply didn't seem that appealing. Either way, love had never visited Ouma and Ouma himself had never looked for love. But. Maybe, just maybe, that had changed now. 

Of course, Ouma didn't know anything for sure. Maybe he was just jumping to conclusions. Maybe the tiredness fogged up his brain. Maybe the jumble of emotions from that day had gotten to him. But somehow he couldn't get Shuichi out of his head. It was like the thought of him had nestled itself in Ouma's brain, and it didn't seem like it was planning to get out soon. Ouma couldn't help but note that it wasn't normal to have this weird, warm and glowing feeling whenever he would think about Shuichi, about how the detective refused to give him up. It wasn't normal to think about the embrace and to wish it had lasted longer. It _certainly_ wasn't normal to start wondering about kissing and soft touches and dates. Ouma immediately rushed to turn any thoughts involving those things off, but the fact that those tiny fantasies popped up in the first place were already troubling enough. So he was going to stop thinking about Shuichi right now. That was right. No more.

_"Because they're not you. And you might be a handful, you might lie and you might hurt people sometimes, but I want to talk to you right now."_

Ouma hid his face in a pillow, even though there was no one else in his room anyway. Shuichi had really said that, huh? It was… sweet. More than sweet, it was the best thing in the history of mankind. Ouma had never heard better words in his life, had never known that a few sentences could light him up.  _What the fuck_ , Ouma thought. _I'm crushing on him, aren't I?_. God. That was a pain in the ass already, Ouma could tell. Feelings for Shuichi? Who in the world thought that would be a good idea? Ouma tried to calm himself down. Maybe his feelings were gonna fade away in a month or so anyhow. There was no need to create a ruckus over something that he couldn't confirm yet. He just had to reassure himself.  


_It's okay. It won't be more than just the tiniest crush. I can handle that._

The following day, Ouma stayed in his dorm room. He felt pretty guilty about it, but he just couldn't face the class after the incident. Not yet, anyway. He knew that skipping tomorrow was out of the question. At least he now had Shuichi by his side. Lovely, wonderful Shui- wait, no, he wasn't supposed to be _like that_. Ouma tried to mentally cleanse himself from whatever turned him into a overexcited fanboy. He almost felt embarrassed about himself, getting carried away like that. This, whatever 'this' meant, was a new side of him, one that he still had to explore. Weird.  
The day passed _painstakingly slow_. Ouma liked being alone sometimes, but the boredom, worries about the fight from yesterday and the overwhelming need to see Shuichi made his day off into something excruciating. He couldn't even concentrate himself enough to stay focused on his book, or the movie he tried after that. Yet, he stayed inside his room. Ouma couldn't, no, _didn't_ want to imagine the awkwardness that would ensue if he'd run into a classmate. He still hadn't found the right words to say to Miu herself, and talking about what had happened with another classmate knowing that they'd probably pass through his every word to the class made him uncomfortable. It was his fault for getting into that mess in the first place, though, he knew that. But how to fix it… he still didn't have a clue. 

His pondering was interrupted by the sudden chime of the bell outside. Class was over. Finally. Immediately, Ouma felt himself awaken from his somewhat lethargic state. The thought of Shuichi, probably (unfortunately?). Ouma wondered what he was up to now. Shuichi would probably go study now, or maybe meet up with Kaede or Momota. Ouma ignored the little and annoyingly unnecessary pang of jealousy that that thought provoked. Right at that moment, there was a knock on his door. Ouma contemplated whether it was worth getting. He didn't know who it was. Maybe it was the class who came to get his ass after he ran away from today like some coward. Maybe it was the teacher demanding to know what he was even thinking now. Nahhh, opening the door wouldn't lead to anything good.  
"Ouma? It's me."

Shuichi. It was _Shuichi_. Ouma rushed to open the door, his heart suddenly pounding and his breathing getting all ragged. He stared right in the face of the black haired boy, who wore a soft smile and a bit of worry in his eyes. "Hey," he greeted Ouma timidly, "I was just wondering if you were doing okay." Ouma could feel his heartbeat skyrocket. Shuichi came to check on him. Wasn't that the most lovely thing ever? "Saihara-chan! You still care about me! And of course I'm doing fine. A supreme evil leader knows how to entertain himself, after all." Total lie, but Shuichi wouldn't be able to tell. "I'm glad you're doing fine. Anyway, I was still wondering, don't you want to get out of your room? I thought that I could maybe take you to a nearby cafe to have a drink together, if you want?"  


Shuichi's voice was tentative, searching for reassurance, a sign that Ouma's intimacy wasn't just a yesterday-thing. It melted Ouma's heart. "Is my lovely Saihara-chan taking me on a date? Of course I can't refuse an offer like that! I'll go with you!" Ouma was almost scared that this moment, this offer, this _warmth_ , was something fleeting, something that would be taken away before he knew it. Did good things really just happen like that? But Shuichi showed no signs of retreating the offer. Instead, his face brightened. "It's not a date, but let's go then," he said, with that voice that started to sound more like music every time it rang through Ouma's head.

Shuichi's favorite cafe was exactly like Ouma would expect, and somehow, that made him happy.   
He had never realized how soothing it was to realize you knew someone better than you previously thought.   
The place oozed relaxation and being at ease. The tables and chairs were all made of dark wood. The floor was made of wood as well, and creaked softly when tread upon. It wasn't an annoying creak, but one that somehow added to the feeling. There was some jazz music playing in the background, trickling through the conversations every now and then. Shuichi fitted right in. "Um, yeah, this is my favorite place to have a drink and catch up on work," the detective fidgeted. "I know it's not really your taste. Sorry. Maybe I should've went somewhere more welcoming to everyone." Ouma immediately started frantically waving his hands. God, Shuichi was adorable like this. "No, it's fine! I like it here. Let's claim the best table they have, Saihara-chan!" They ended up at a table for two by the window, at a more quiet spot. Ouma couldn't help but feel like beaming at every step he took. He wondered how he could hide it. Was it conspicuous? Suddenly, acting like himself was a task that seemed near impossible to complete. What was Ouma-like? He already put on so many masks, so which one was he supposed to choose now? Shuichi didn't seem to notice though, or maybe he didn't care about Ouma's antics. It calmed him down. "What are you gonna order," Ouma asked as he plopped down in his chair. "I'll probably stick with herbal tea and apple pie," Shuichi responded. "How about you?" "Panta and chocolate cake!" Shuichi started laughing. No, not laughing. The word laughing didn't possibly explain the waterfall of light that sounded with his laughter. It entranced Ouma. _I wanna make him laugh more often. I need to._ "Why are you laughing? Are you laughing at me?" Shuichi still chuckled as he answered. "It's just a very typical Ouma choice. I actually kind of predicted a choice like that. I guess it feels good to know you in such a way." _So Shuichi feels that too, huh?_

Just then, the waiter arrived and they both ordered their stuff. A lull had formed in their conversation. It wasn't unpleasant, but Ouma still wondered if Shuichi wasn't getting bored of him.   
"It's nice being with you, Ouma. I hope you know that." Like Shuichi had heard his thoughts, he suddenly broke the silence. "Hmmm. I feel that way too about you." Shit. Was that too honest?  
"Is that a lie?" Ouma furrowed his brows. "Boooo, you don't know me that well after all, Saihara-chan! I wasn't lying about that at all! I hate liars, you know." A small smile tugged at the corners of Shuichi's mouth. "It's just hard to tell with you sometimes. You're a real troublemaker, you know?" Ouma huffed, pushing out his chest. "And yet here you are, hanging out with me on your own account." 

Ouma couldn't recall any moment in his life that had felt better than this one. Being with DICE came close, but not even that brought the sheer glee and waves of peace that washed over Ouma now. Not only that, the cake was absolutely delicious, and the Panta was Panta, so naturally delectable. His conversation with Shuichi was very chill too, filled to the brim with laughter and interesting questions and that weird indescribable emotion of getting to know more of someone you care about. After a mockingly heated debate with no real conclusion about whether Sherlock Holmes or Detective Conan would solve a case better (Ouma had chosen Conan's side just because he knew Shuichi wouldn't), Shuichi decided to bring up the day yet to come. 

"Hey, about tomorrow. If you want my help, I'll come up with something. And you know that no matter what happens, I won't ditch you." Again, that glow in Ouma's stomach. But he also knew he couldn't mess this up. No matter how attractive it might sound to exclude himself from anyone else together with Shuichi, he couldn't allow that to happen. Shuichi had friends who he cared about. Forcing him into an awkward position and distancing Shuichi from his friends was the last thing Ouma wanted for him. "I'll be fine. And if no one forgives me, that's toooootally their loss!" A lie. They'd be right not to forgive him. But false confidence had always pulled Ouma through, and he needed it more than ever this time. "Just… be careful to not hurt any feelings, okay?" Ouma huffed. "Of course not, dummy. Only a donkey hits the same stone twice!" Shuichi laughed, but straightened his face immediately after. "I mean your feelings too, Ouma." God, how did the detective always do that? Just when Ouma thought he was in the clear, his insides got set ablaze yet another time. "Don't be such a worrywart, Saihara-chan! You're gonna put me to sleep with all that mother hen stuff. I'll be fine. Maybe I'll just slice open my stomach and beg for forgiveness like some yakuza dude!" Before Ouma knew it, he was wrapped up in another one of their friendly debates. And suddenly it was time to leave the cafe and go back to their dorms. Ouma finally understood what "parting is such sweet sorrow" really meant, but he obviously couldn't throw a tantrum demanding Shuichi to never leave. Stick with his gleeful manner, it is.  
"Bye-bye Saihara-chan! See you tomorrow!" Shuichi waved back before he turned around and left.

Once he was alone in his room again, it was time to reflect upon the conclusion he had come when he was alone that day: he had a crush on Shuichi. However, Ouma had done something very much unlike him. He had made a major miscalculation. It wasn't jumping to conclusions. It wasn't a ruckus over nothing. It even wasn't just a tiny crush. Ouma liked Shuichi. Would maybe even love him if things would go on like this. And that was a way bigger problem than he ever signed up for.


End file.
